Thesis is King: Craft a precise thesis that directly addresses the prompt. Ensure your thesis stakes a clear claim about its value or harm and provides at least two directions you will be delve into.

Use Specific Evidence: Pull from history, literature, pop-culture, films, Television, Netflix, current events, and personal experiences. Remember the evidence doesn't need to be obscure but should be relevant and developed.

Balance and Nuance: Good essays acknowledge complexity. Even if you argue against something, a nod to its potential benefits can strengthen one's case.

Avoid Overloading: Focus on two or three strong points rather than rushing through many weaker ones.

Write with Style: Voice and sophistication matter. Choose your words carefully. If you say you've "proven" something, it can't just be a link or connection, it has to be proven it is always correct.

Score: 1-4-1 (perfect score!)

Thesis (0-1 point): 1/1

The thesis is defensible and takes a nuanced position on the value of striving for perfection: "While there are drawbacks to being encouraged to be perfect from a young age, perfection is something to strive for especially in one's professional life, although there should be more room for mistakes in one's personal life."

Evidence and Commentary (0-4 points): 4/4

The response offers specific and wide-ranging evidence to support all its claims. The details about McDonald's, Edison, and SpaceX are fully incorporated in the essay and explained well. The student consistently explains how the evidence provided supports a line of reasoning, making use of cause and effect to show the impact of not seeking perfection.

Sophistication (0-1 point): 1/1

The response explores the complexities of the topic when, after establishing all the benefits to perfection, it pivots at the third body paragraph to a thorough discussion of how perfection can be harmful in our personal lives. In exploring aspects of success and of safety in the business world as well as problems within the life of the individual, the student situates the argument within a broader context. 

Score: 1-3-0 

Thesis (0-1 point): 1/1

The response makes a defensible claim in the second and third sentences of paragraph 1. This multi-sentence thesis distinguishes between perfection itself and the act of striving for it: "The value of perfection is none because it simply doesn't exist. However, the act of striving for perfection holds much value."

Evidence and Commentary (0-4 points): 3/4 

The response holds to its thesis as it defends its two claims in a line of reasoning that runs throughout the response. The student offers evidence to support the claims, providing specific details in paragraph 2 on their personal experience striving for perfection in school and sports. The commentary does not integrate the sibling and workplace examples in paragraph 3 as well as it does in paragraph 2, but the exploration of the student's personal experience is solid. 

Sophistication (0-1 point): 0/1

The use of the student's personal experience is compelling, but the response overall does not demonstrate a consistently vivid and persuasive style. While the thesis is perhaps more nuanced than usual, the response does not consistently explore any complexities or tensions tied to those claims. 

Score: 1-1-0 

Thesis (0-1 point): 1/1

The thesis is a single, comma splice sentence that comprises all of paragraph 1. It does present a defensible claim: "Achieving perfection is not possible, it creates expectations that no one can live up to."

Evidence and Commentary (0-4 points): 1/4 

The evidence provided in the response is mostly general, with references to a "perfect person" and the "perfect student," but with very little explanation or commentary to link the evidence to the argument. Much of the commentary does not succeed in supporting the little evidence provided or making a clear link to the thesis.  

Sophistication (0-1 point): 0/1

The response's style is not vivid or persuasive. The response itself demonstrates a simplistic approach that does not explore complexities or tension; rather, it merely summarizes ideas about expectations and perfection. 

To strengthen a line of reasoning, always ask yourself:

• Does this claim or example directly support my thesis?

• Have I explained how my evidence supports my point?

• Does my essay flow logically from one idea to the next or do I abruptly jump from points?

Thesis: Social media has more negative than positive effects on mental health.

• Claim 1: Social media fosters unrealistic standards of beauty.

  • Evidence: Studies show that frequent Instagram users have higher rates of body dissatisfaction.

  • Reasoning: This leads to a decline in self-esteem as users compare themselves to heavily edited photos.

• Claim 2: Social media contributes to increased anxiety.

  • Evidence: Surveys reveal that 70% of teens feel pressured to respond to messages immediately.

  • Reasoning: This constant connectivity creates stress and prevents teens from unplugging to relax.

Before we have a few of our classmates read and score our essay, let's start by self-assessing our own work. This will, then, be used to compare our expectations to what other readers of our essay would score it. So, be honest with yourself and be sure to briefly explain your justification for each point. 

• Row A: If you did or didn't get the thesis point, why? Explain why it is or isn't clear or defensible.

• Row B: Where does your evidence and commentary rank from 0-4? If you gave yourself, say, a 3, what made it not a 4 or better than a 2? What could you have done better?

• Row C: Now remember, be really harsh with this point as only roughly 8% of essays receive it. If you didn't give the point to yourself, why? What was missing? If it did, what did you clearly do to add sophistication or speak to complexities?

After finishing our self-assessment, let's read and score two to three of our peer's essays. The goal is to see a myriad of ways to respond to the same prompt and to offer your own insights to your classmates. 

Remember, you do no one any favors by inflating or deflating their scores. Give your honest feedback and even some tips that could improve their at least one part of their score.